As a counselor and educator, I value making the unspoken… spoken. Naming what is occurring is important for increasing self-awareness and personal insight. This post is my attempt at naming what I believe I am witnessing in our society in response to the global impact of the coronavirus pandemic.
First off, I am not seeking to state the truth of the matter. I attempt to articulate my personal position and perspective on how people seem to be responding to the aftermath and continued impact of coronavirus from existential (how we are existing, making meaning of, and seeking purpose from experience) and ontological (a focus on who and how we are, rather than what we think and do) perspectives.
I want to invite you to consider the coronavirus pandemic from the position of a metaphor. Let’s say that before the pandemic we were all living in comfort and safety (although I know this was not the case for many in actuality… once again, think metaphor here). We lived in homes that were consistent and we knew what we could expect. Then comes a storm that forces everyone from their homes, comfort, and safety. The storm pushes everyone to the edge of society where there is a mist. The storm rages on back at our homes but inside the mist the storm is not present. All begin to walk into the mist. After some time the mist lifts enough to let everyone know that the storm is beginning to lessen back at their homes. There are varied responses to the mist, to the storm, and to the decisions that now must be made.
The first group experiences more anxiety and fear from being in the mist. They cannot see. They do not understand where they are going. They wish for stability and for clarity the entire time they are in the mist. They are willing to do whatever it takes to get back to the safety and certainty of their homes. Seeing the storm start to lessen, they start pushing back towards their home.
The second group actually finds new places to inhabit inside the mist. The mist clears for some of them and they find new lands… new homes. They do not wish to return to life as it was. They have found a life that is better than before.
The third group is still lost in the mist. Periodically the mist lessens and they can see glimpses of new lands and wonderful possibilities in their new life space, but the mist moves between becoming clear and dense. This group looks back and knows that the storm is beginning to lessen. They understand that they can return to their homes, but they feel that it would no longer be home to them. The previous comfort is now stagnation. They want something more, but they are unsure what that “more” is.
In the metaphor above, the storm is the pandemic. The homes are life experiences before the pandemic. The mist is the unknown future.
There are very different reactions to the pandemic today. Like the first group in the metaphor, some people seem to want life to return back to “normal” as soon as possible. They fight against working from home, having children at home (if they have children), and many of the aspects of pandemic life rubbed them the wrong way. They want to return to life as it was. It can be hard to ever return to a previous state of being after a significant life event, particularly a traumatic life (and global) event, but group 1 individuals want to return “home.”
The second group are those individuals who have embraced life transitions during the pandemic. They found that the newfound freedom of being at home and working from home worked well. They value living life more on their own terms. If they have children, they found homeschooling worked for their family. In the end, they do not want to return to business as (pre-pandemic) usual. They embraced the global and personal shifts that naturally took place.
The third group is the group I most wish to emphasize. This group is in a state of transition (inner and outer). Their feet have not yet landed on solid ground during the pandemic. They know they don’t want to go back to pre-pandemic life, but they are not sure where they fit now. They are comfortable with some changes, but they regularly shift between fear and an embrace of present day changes. They want a better life stage, but it is hard to embrace the unknown. It is difficult to find the new life stage they desire. In the end, they are still searching for a home. They may be the individuals who need support from coaches, counselors, educators, and family. They are wandering in the mist without a clear anchor. Finding ways to reach these individuals is important for helping professionals. These individuals may remain wandering until there is intervention from a trusted person.
I want to clarify, it is okay to respond in your own unique way to the pandemic. I am sure that there are many more responses than those described in the three groups, but I sought to express some overarching groups. Group 1 people, it is okay to want to return to your previous state, to want life to go back to normal. Group 2 people, it is okay that you found a new home. Group 3 people, it is okay to still be searching and exploring. Everyone makes sense of transitions in their own way.
I have emphasized how the pandemic has shifted our way of living and being in external ways and alluded to how it has influenced inner experience, but I want to emphasize the inner experience. The pandemic has forced many individuals (particularly those in groups 2 and 3) to reexamine their inner experience. People are going through inner transitions. They are thinking about what they care most about, about how they want to live their lives, about how they relate to others and to themselves. Ultimately, I believe the pandemic has sparked many people to begin to consider more deeply, how do I live a meaningful life? The status quo was rocked so hard that people could no longer settle into it. The pandemic forced many people to confront their lives.
With this inner state of transition in mind, group 3, you are not alone. Those of you still making sense of your life, career, relational, and mental health transitions, you don’t have to suffer in silence. Find people who can hear you… I mean really hear you. Find people who can help you find your own inner wisdom. Whether that is a friend, family member, counselor, life/career coach, spiritual leader, whoever it is, connection in open and empathic relationships can provide a climate of clarity. Experiencing open and empathic relationships can then shift how you relate to yourself. You can find ways to listen to yourself in new and deeper ways. This level of listening may help you tap into greater sources of wisdom. Living in a space of empathy and openness to new experiences may be more important now for you than ever.
Perhaps my conclusion is simply to be kind to yourself. Being in a state of transition is hard. Developing self-compassion may be what you need during transitions. Developing patience may be what you need. Developing trust in yourself and the natural timeline of life may be what you need. In the face of a global crossroads, be kind. And if you are still searching for your new version of the good life, keep going.
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